Shock to the system.
Getting up early has never been my thing. Ever. It's the middle of the night as far as I am concerned. Only ten more weeks until Marathon day. I'll be fine, why yes I really will be...
The little Goth kid has a new hair cut. It is considerably shorter. This is our actual conversation over the phone on the weekend.
'I don't know if I like it. It's so short.'
'Just give it a chance Gothy. I'm sure it's lovely.'
'I look like one of those people who collect kids from school, what do you call them?'
Pause.
'Mothers, Gothy, they're called mothers.'
'Yeah, one of them.'
And I may need glasses- well I already have glasses, but I may need to wear them more often. ANd by more often I DO mean all of the time.
'Look Paramour! A rabbit!! At the bottom of the garden, look.'
Paramour looks, laughs.
'Honey, that's the Marklar.'
'Really? Are you sure?' Squints. ' Is he nibbling grass?'
'He's licking his read rocket.'
Puts glasses on. World swims comfortably into view.
'Oh.'
Also, my washing machine door won't open, and all of my socks are in there. They have been washed three times now in my imbecilic attempts to open the blasted thing. Anyone any idea how to solve that one?
Bah.
The little Goth kid has a new hair cut. It is considerably shorter. This is our actual conversation over the phone on the weekend.
'I don't know if I like it. It's so short.'
'Just give it a chance Gothy. I'm sure it's lovely.'
'I look like one of those people who collect kids from school, what do you call them?'
Pause.
'Mothers, Gothy, they're called mothers.'
'Yeah, one of them.'
And I may need glasses- well I already have glasses, but I may need to wear them more often. ANd by more often I DO mean all of the time.
'Look Paramour! A rabbit!! At the bottom of the garden, look.'
Paramour looks, laughs.
'Honey, that's the Marklar.'
'Really? Are you sure?' Squints. ' Is he nibbling grass?'
'He's licking his read rocket.'
Puts glasses on. World swims comfortably into view.
'Oh.'
Also, my washing machine door won't open, and all of my socks are in there. They have been washed three times now in my imbecilic attempts to open the blasted thing. Anyone any idea how to solve that one?
Bah.
Labels: People do this regularly?
posted by fatmammycat at 6:45 a.m.
32 Comments:
Good morning, poor little Gothy. Is she in boarding school? I would hate to be a teenager again. The self-consciousness, oh the stress of it. I hope all her pals love it and she thinks she is cool.
Don’t know abut the glasses bit as I have never had to wear them but the machine maybe spin it, turn it off completely and clean out the pump.
Nonny
I know what you mean about the glasses thing. I have them, my driver's licence says I need to wear them to drive, but do you think I think I need them? Oh no. I go round under the illsion that I have twenty-twenty vision, until on the odd occasion I put them on and start yelping with glee, 'Wow, would you look at the world? It's in HD!'
And sorry, can't help you with the washing machine thing - all I can say is DON'T EVER wash your jeans with a newspaper. It's a really stupid thing to do.
*Phut phut* (She says still spitting out small pieces of newsprint.)
You wear socks? I thought you would be wearing high class hosiery, or going "au natural" with silky smooth legs.
Wow. Weekends are weirdly similar for people, I think. I got a haircut this weekend. I had trouble with my washing machine which was trying to repeatedly wash my clothes (I switched it off and on a couple of times and got my clothes back - I suggest a can opener if that fails) and I got new glasses this weekend too. Problem is that my new glasses are varifocals - a sure sign of ageing. I also bought new socks - I got 15 pairs of socks for 18 Euro in Dunnes Stores. Not too shabby for James.
I plan to have an even more boring weekend next weekend, probably involving a raincoat or a biscuit.
15 pairs of socks for eighteen euro.
God, you ARE a boring little cunt, aren't you?
Hmm, moving swiftly on from that last comment, James, kudos on the sock bargains, and I'm amused by your coincidentally similar weekend.
I baked cakes and wondered where everyone was online - out buying socks and swearing at their washing machines obviously, so I feel better now :)
Fuck off winehouse, you tedious old gimp. I hate yer music too.
The washing machine is now spinning. This might do the trick. It is making a bloody odd sound though. Damn and blast.
Baking Jo? Varifocals? Blindness? I smell middle age approaching, and you know what, I don't feel like running the other direction this morning. Plus I have already been to the gym, so I'm in rare old form. Going to buy new runners shortly, for the marathon don't you know. Did I mention the marathon? I'm doing it. Marathon. Oh yes. That.
I'm noticing my need for glasses more and more - I don't officially need them for driving as while my left eye is v weak, my right's ok, so it compensates and I don't notice - but this year I have to squint at the credits on the tv, and when my daughter shows me stuff she wants read I have to squint too, in elderly fashion.
I gave up wearing my glasses because a) people who'd only known me since I wore them said I looked weird without them (fuck that!) and b) glasses+babies = expensive/wearing lopsided glasses and having your self image dinted!
Of course, of course the marathon. It's madness, if you ask me. Impressive, heroic madness, but insanity nonetheless :)
I've taken to wearing mine more and more these days too, and if my quite ridiculous guesses of what things might be are to be weighed up, I might be better off keeping them on.
Golly that sentence is so badly constructed, but I'm buggered if I can find an easier way to say what I wanted to say. It must be giving up hooch and actually eating egg yolks. It's messed with my head.
Well I had a weekend of drunken debauchery to compensate for all your middle-aged potterings, so yous can all feel safe that someone is flying the flag of gingerosity on your behalf.
Feel like absolute poo today tho.
"Anyone any idea how to solve that one?"
Buy more socks.
put the wash on again........
laundry tips?
I need to get out more.......
Poor Amy Winehouse.
The past week was the worst for me in ages. No smokes, eating too much and an overall foul fucking mood. The only bright spot was I started writing my first lecture.
Writing lectures! So much more instantly rewarding that writing dissertation chapters!
I've often wondered what it's like to start losing one's vision in adulthood--I got my first pair of glasses at age 8 or 9 and have been steadily going more blind since then. I wear contacts most days, but they're becoming more uncomfortable as I get older. I think my eyeballs are slowly desiccating.
I can retrieve freshly laundered clothes from the washer and dryer, but apparently not without having been splotched to hell by an errant tube of lip balm. Oops. Anyone have any tried-and-true methods of getting minty grease stains out of Spouse's dress shirts?
washing up liquid on them, then rewash?
I called the Persil hotline once! When I spilled a bottle of almond oil on an ancient, delicate silk scarf. That's what they said to do.
The other possibility is putting some kitchen towel over the spots and ironing them - it might soak the grease onto the paper.
FatMammyCat said...
I've taken to wearing mine more and more these days too, and if my quite ridiculous guesses of what things might be are to be weighed up, I might be better off keeping them on.
Yes, keeping ones knickers on is always a good idea.
Dr James, do you iron your socks also? Or does your mother do them for you? Just wondering.
I've tried the washing-up liquid trick before--it gets most of the grease stain, but not all of it. And the ironing trick has only worked with wax, if I remember correctly.
I really should sew up all the pockets on all my pants to keep this from happening.
My mother used to iron our socks. I reckon that's probably as good a working definition of insanity as any.
Keep going, Medbh! You're going great guns, toots, although it probably doesn't feel that way. Every day down is a day you won't have to do again and pretty soon the days will start getting better and better. You'll have left it all behind you.
Your washing machine might not be draining propply, fmc, causing the sensors to not let the door unlock.
Having identified the problem here's what I would do: Shout at it and threaten it with the washing-machine old-folks home; kick it; beat it; tell it you bet it likes the music of Daniel O'Donnell; smash it with a small sapling; weep; cuddle the floor; call in a fixing person.
No Amy, your mother does them for me.
Errrm
Your blog profile states you are a college lecturer?!?
The mind boggles. I might have known though, because that witty retort really went through me like a knife.
Please, continue to thrill us with tales of your sock buying exploits.....
The excitement mounts....
Hah, the Lilac COuch irons socks, knickers and teas towels. Batshit insane if you ask me.
Medbh, you're over the worst of it now, it can only get better from here on in.
Grim, if the shirts are white just spray some bleach directly onto the stain, rub in and ash again. It should remove the stain.
Docky, don't feed the monkeys.
Awww come on, one or two Nana's wont do any harm FMC :(
Of course, you do have 50% of Lilac couch's genes, so at the very least you are a Lilac fireside chair and possibly a two seater Lilac couch yourself
But FMC she needs some attention. Poor Amy Winehouse.
Fire away if it amuses you Docky.
I think you are funny Amy.
Nonny
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